Not too long ago, Tom’s father faced a lot of problems at work, and that strained the relationship between his parents. His dad began to stay out much later than before, and turned to drinking as a form of escape. As much as Tom wanted to help his father, he did not know how to go about doing it. In addition, he was too involved with the extra-curricular activities in school. Thus, this situation went on for a few months.
One night, Tom noticed that his maid was very upset. Hence, he tried to find out what had happened from the maid. He was told that his dad got touchy with the maid on various occasions , and this usually took place in the kitchen at night after his dad got home from work (usually when Tom and his siblings were too preoccupied with their computer games). In fact, Tom had also witness this numerous times. However, he was unsure of what action he to take. He felt extremely tormented by this interpersonal conflict, because whatever action that he might have to take would hurt the people dearest to him in one way or another.
Some of the serious issues faced by Tom are summarised as follows:
1) If he should confront his dad with regards to what had happened to the maid, and how he should go about doing that.
2) The seemingly important task of filling his mother in on what has happened between her husband and the maid.
3) The way to go about protecting the interests of the maid, someone whom he already regards as family.
If you were in Tom’s shoes, how would you resolve this interpersonal conflict?
5 comments:
Hi,
Here is a serious situation we are talking about! I have really spent quite some time thinking about it. Firstly, the real cause of this situation could be due to the communication breakdown within the family throughout the years. Tom should have attempted to solve this communication breakdown before it got worsen to this situation. Since that it is rather difficult now, I suggest that he should listen to his father’s side of the story first instead of jumping into any conclusion. However, it could be tricky to get his father to speak to him truthfully. Perhaps he could get things started between them by initiating a coffee session with his father. He could also rebuild his relationship with his father by telling him about his extra-curricular activities in school over breakfast etc.
Should the time comes when his father confronts in him, he should then decide to act according to the situation. If his father is unaware of his touchy acts, the problem would more or less be solved after informing his father about the uneasiness of the maid. If his actions are deliberate, Tom should firmly advise his father to stop. Otherwise, it would be the time to let his mother know. Although this would dampen his relationship with his father again, it is the right way as he should not help his father cover his unlawful acts. It could be a blessing in disgust in the end as there would be a possibility of rekindling his relationship with his mother through this. In all, it is very hard to get a win-win situation here, one of them would get hurt from whatever decision he made in the end.
The above are just my suggestions and hope it will help Tom with his problems.
WS
Hi Desmond, I think your case is among the more diffcult ones that I have read about. There seems to be a pitfall no matter what measure Tom decides to take. Talking to the father will probably be the best way to hear what is troubling him and why he behaved the way he did, but at the same time it could backfire, and the dad could start to blame the maid, causing the situation to worsen. Telling the mother might also make the situation untenable as she might not be able to take such a blow, and if poorly handled can cause the marriage to fail and the family to disintegrate.
I think Susanto's suggestions about how to handle this situation is very well thought out. In addition, I think Tom can also advise the maid to not be afraid to stand up for herself, and to tell the father she is uncomfortable with this advances. Perhaps Tom can also tell his mother about the dad's troubles at work, and encourage her to give him the support he needs during a time like this.
Wei Chung
Hi...
This is a pretty grave situation for a child to handle alone. Usually children are not at all comfortable in confronting their parents with issues such as relationships especially when it concerns the parents. Given Tom's family members to be somewhat distanced from each other, this would be a much more difficult task. If I was in Tom's position and if I am close enough to the maid I would talk to her and observe her attitude towards this whole thing. May be she is also feeling utterly uncomfortable and irritated but feeling helpless because she does not have anyone to talk about it and get an advise.
In a situation like this the only conclusive act that could be taken to save the family unity is to send the maid away.
In which ever case, I think I would keep this form my mother as much as I can.
Whao... I find this problem rather interesting and sad at the same time. If I were in Tom's shoes, I'll feel bad either way because if I don't do anything and let my dad continue doing what he did, I'll feel quite guilty. Yet on one hand, if I confront him, it'll put the both of us in a difficult spot especially since our family don't really communicate much.
I think he'll have to weigh the situation and see how best to approach it. I suggest that he should try to talk to his father in a tactful manner. For example he can start by asking how's his day and try to get to know more about his dad. Let his dad share his problems with him and maybe what he'll find out is that his dad's actions were truly unintentional. Let him know that the maid feels uncomfortable about it and observe the next time whether he's still doing the same thing.
In addition, Tom should make sure that his dad and the maid shouldn't be alone at all times by being with them or ensuring that at least one family member is with them.
As much as possible, try not to let his mother know about this as it might worsen the situation and his parents might fall out.
If all else fails, I guess drastic action must be taken by sending the maid away. This solution might be cruel but I guess is the best way.
Hope that these solutions will help solve the problem! See ya!
Very interesting and important problem scenario! Excellent description, too, Desmond. You have certainly inspired your classmates to respond!
Thank you!
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